How much more free time would you have if you didn’t have to justify yourself to the patriarchy? If you didn’t have to deal with street harassment, with men telling you to smile, with sexism at work, with all the extra work misogyny demands of us?
And how much more could you do with your life if you didn’t have to do extra chores, parenting, home maintenance, and emotional labor? How much of your life has your male partner stolen? What else could you still do with your life in a more equitable world?
Mothers are fed up.
We’re sick of being the frontal lobe, emotional punching bag, workhorse, whipping girl, and breadwinner for entire families.
The data tell us that mothers are more productive at work, but they earn less.
We do more work at home, but no one thinks that work matters—or that we’re allowed to be pissed off when partners buy their free time with our fatigue and lost dreams.
Our patriarchal culture is stealing mothers’ lives and time. Motherhood and marriage are key avenues through which women are oppressed.
The mainstream feminist movement has mostly ignored mothers, dismissing our concerns as petty, trivial “mommy wars.” The larger culture blames us, telling us to communicate better and never, ever make men feel bad.
It’s time for that to end. Mothers are the backbone of society, and of the feminist movement. Mothers matter. My newsletter is about living a better life as a mother, about the cultural messages that oppress mothers, and about why it’s not your fault you spend every Mother’s Day angry.
Motherhood doesn’t have to be so hard. And marriage shouldn’t mean the woman does all of the childcare and domestic labor. The model of marriage where a woman exhausts herself so that a man can get free time is unsustainable and unacceptable.
I know this, because I have an equitable marriage. And I believe the lens of an equitable marriage makes it easier for me to see through the fog—through the bullshit and justifications, through the gaslighting and insistence that every man deserves just one more chance forever. We are indoctrinated from birth to believe we don’t matter. But I’ve seen the other side.
Marriage and motherhood should expand our capacity for joy, intimacy, and greater purpose—not destroy it.
Liberating Motherhood is a weekly publication by me, writer Zawn Villines, with a focus on making motherhood better. Around here, we don’t shy away from naming names and pointing fingers at male partners who aren’t stepping up.
I also talk extensively about how patriarchy hurts children, stunts men, and constrains everyone’s ability to live fully and completely. If life feels like it’s harder than it should be, if you’re tired of having your concerns dismissed by your partner, if you wonder if you’re crazy, or if you know that you’re not crazy but feel alone, this is the newsletter for you.
This is an intersectional feminist newsletter that centers mothers’ experiences primarily because of the way mothers are so often dismissed. But it is not just for mothers. We should all care about what happens to mothers, because we should all care about every form of oppression.
About Me
Outside of this newsletter, I’m a writer specializing in health, science, and politics. Over years of writing about these topics, I began to see a recurring theme: the notion that mothers’ suffering just doesn’t matter, and that maternal needs are stupid and trivial. So I started yelling into the void about it. My viral posts about household labor inequity, mental health, the mental load, and the challenges of motherhood encourage mothers to claim a better life, reject inequitable parenting, and tackle the social forces that keep mothers unhappy and exhausted.
Liberating Motherhood is a newsletter devoted to questioning a model of motherhood that leaves mothers resentful, unhappy, and incapable of living up to their full potential. Rather than blame women for this state of affairs and tell them to practice better self-care, this newsletter looks at the social structures that turn motherhood into a prison. And it provides a path to something better, healthier, more joyful and sustainable.
But Liberating Motherhood is about more than the challenges of heterosexual cisgender motherhood. The social norms and cultural messages that harm mothers harm us all.
This is a bigotry-free space. I oppose all forms of racism—racism, ableism, sizeism, transphobia, childism, and more. I work diligently to make this a space where you will not be exposed to any abusive or harmful content.
Why subscribe to this newsletter?
All subscribers get access to Feminist Advice Friday, my weekly Facebook column, a day early on Thursday. Every Thursday, I publish one free piece of content offering:
Tips on managing household labor inequity, achieving a more equitable marriage, and identifying patterns of gaslighting. See an example here.
Content confronting the problems with contemporary marriage head on, and offering hope for a different way of doing things. Examples here and here.
Feminist reflections. Revive your fighting spirit with reflections that affirm the value of women’s work, motherhood, and fighting the patriarchy. As an intersectional feminist newsletter, this includes an emphasis on the ways sexist policies disproportionately affect marginalized women and femmes.
Advice and mental health content. Living in a patriarchal society is exhausting, and self-care won’t fix it. But there are still some things you can do to live better. I focus a lot on building a better life in an imperfect world. Here’s an example.
There will also be plants, because I can’t stop buying/propagating/growing them. Every so often, I publish a bonus newsletter about one of my many interests outside of feminism, as a sort of palate cleanser. You might read about tortoises, jumping spiders, primatology, making a life as a writer, poetry, literature, paper planning, gardening, succulents, carnivorous plants, why wasps are the ultimate feminist icon, and tons of other topics.
My Reasons for Hope series focuses on off-topic content, and feminist content that offers inspiration rather than outrage. It comes out some Saturdays. Find it here.
Reasons to become a paid subscriber
Paid subscribers get additional benefits, including:
One extra Feminist Advice Friday column per week. I publish this column on Friday.
One extra piece of content—usually specific advice on managing common abuse tactics. I’ve published an entire series on the weapons abusive men use here. You’ll get these newsletters every Tuesday.
Early access to all data I’ve published. I’ve conducted numerous surveys on life, marriage, and mothering in a patriarchy. Find them here.
Access to a private subscriber-only support group.
If you are in an abusive relationship or other crisis and truly cannot afford to pay for a paid membership—not just would prefer to get content for free, but actually cannot pay—I offer no-questions-asked paid access to anyone who emails me. Please email zawn@zawn.net, and put “Substack scholarship” in the subject line. If you use any other subject line, I may not see your email. You do not need to tell me anything specific—just that you cannot afford to pay! Please note that subscription applications can take several weeks to process.
Here’s a small sample of what women have told me about this newsletter:
“You have given me validation of my experiences when partners have been dismissive, you have given me the confidence to be a feminist without shame. I’ve always been made to feel like I’m hysterical, unhinged, and unstable with eye rolls and insults whenever I’ve called out sexist behavior, now I feel certain in my understanding and proud to be a woman who expects more from men, and society.”
“You really opened my eyes to the pervasiveness of sexism and patriarchy in our society. I love how you don't apologize for or sugarcoat the truth. I used to think single was the worst thing I could be, but fucking why? Better then having my life and dreams stolen by some fucking loser.”
“You make me feel seen and not crazy.”
“This is the only feminist content I’ve ever read that makes me feel hopeful.”
Since you’re here anyway, check out this pretty dahlia I grew.
