'Who hurt you?' How abusive men weaponize men's violence to silence and discredit feminism
'Who hurt you?' How abusive men weaponize men's violence to silence and discredit feminism
In the mind of misogynists, the fact that men traumatize women is a reason not to believe women when they say men traumatize women.
“Who hurt you?”
“This reeks of fatherlessness.”
“Not everyone is as wounded as you are.”
They’re the favorite weapon of misogynist men on the Internet. They know that most women have been seriously hurt by men, and as they do with everything else, weaponize this against women and against feminism.
I recently got an email from a reader who wanted me to help her argue with a male friend. She sent me their email chain, which mostly consisted of him speculating about how angry and bitter I am because of how men have hurt me. She joined in, suggesting that perhaps my offensive tone is because of my hard life.
In the long and increasingly hostile email exchange, neither of them managed to address the substance of any of my arguments. And that is the real purpose of this silliness. It distracts from the real issue, forcing women to defend themselves as sane. And as soon as you force a woman to defend her sanity, she’s lost the argument.
So why does this transparent lunacy work so well? And what can we do to counter it?
This is part of a series of bonus content for paid subscribers in which I address some of the weapons men use to deflect blame and avoid accountability. Previous pieces in this series have included:
“We just have different parenting styles: How men escape accountability for bad parenting”
The weapons men use in fights: “You’re never satisfied with anything!”
The arguments sexist men use in fights—and what they really mean
The most important tool men use to maintain household labor inequality
The weapons men use in fights: “You’re so controlling! Stop policing me!”