'I can't read your mind!' The weapons sexist men use
Why sexist men want us to believe that obvious information isn't so obvious, and that they can't be trusted to do anything without supervision.
“I can’t read your mind!”
“If you want something you just need to tell me!”
The subtext is clear: He can’t be expected to give you what you need if you don’t ask him. And you’re an entitled asshole for expecting otherwise.
These complaints form the battlecry of the whiny, entitled heterosexual male, who would rather live his life in permanent marital conflict than ever bother to care about another person. These misogynist men are so unwilling to cater to their partners’ needs that they’ll give up sex, the very thing they claim to want most, rather than buy her a goddamn Christmas present (and then he’ll insist that for some reason she still owes him a pity fuck, even though he apparently owes her nothing at all).
Don’t worry, though, because if you do ask him—and especially if you ask and remind him as much as his incompetence suggests you need to—then he’ll call you a nag.
It’s the “You should have asked!”/ “Stop whining!” paradox of sexism.
And just like all of the excuses sexist men use, he’s not raising this complaint because he actually believes it to be valid, nor because of your poor communication. He’s raising it because he needs some excuse, any excuse, for his own bad behavior.
That’s how sexist tools of communication work. They’re not actual attempts at communication, but rather attempts to buy time by gaslighting you.
So what can you do when your partner digs this trash out of the pile and throws it at you?
This is part of a series of bonus content for paid subscribers in which I address some of the weapons men use to deflect blame and avoid accountability. Previous pieces in this series have included:
The weapons sexist men use in fights: “We just have different standards!”
The weapons men use in fights: “You’re never satisfied with anything!”
The arguments sexist men use in fights—and what they really mean
The most important tool men use to maintain household labor inequality
The weapons men use in fights: “You’re so controlling! Stop policing me!”