"Just make me a list!" Why a list is just another tool for escaping household labor accountability
The paradox of household labor inequity: Make me a list! Oh, you made me a list? Don't be a nag!
“I want to be a better husband and partner. I’ll do anything my wife wants me to do. I just need her to tell me what it is. What’s so wrong with asking her to make me a list!”
It’s the question that explodes millions of feminist heads across the globe, as apparently clueless men sit in disbelief, wondering what could possibly be wrong with asking their partners to act like their manager or their mother.
It’s enraging. And when women cave, when they invest time and effort in Fair Play, or endlessly listing household labor, and turn into the labor police, we all know what happens, don’t we?
He’s mad at her for expecting him to actually do the tasks she put on the fucking list.
But let’s pretend for a second that a man really is willing to complete the task list, that he earnestly just wants help to figure out what needs doing. What’s wrong with asking for a list?
This is part of a series of bonus content for paid subscribers in which I address some of the weapons men use to deflect blame and avoid accountability. Previous pieces in this series have included:
The weapons sexist men use in fights: “We just have different standards!”
The weapons sexist men use in fights: Blaming women for their reactions to bad behavior
The weapons men use in fights: “You’re never satisfied with anything!”
The arguments sexist men use in fights—and what they really mean
The most important tool men use to maintain household labor inequality
The weapons men use in fights: “You’re so controlling! Stop policing me!”