"You're just being hormonal! Are you getting your period?" The weapons sexist men use series (paid subscriber bonus)
Hormones are chemical messengers, and we all have them. Yet for generations, men have acted as if they—the gender that commits a disproportionate share of emotionally-mediated crimes, the gender who frequently rapes people, the gender who has started almost every war, act of terrorism, and act of mass violence—are the sole human beacons of rationality.
Women, you see, are controlled by their hormones. Somehow men’s hormones have no effect whatsoever on them. And we know this because men say it. And men are rational, so anything they say must be true.
It’s a dizzying logical proposition, but it’s one most of us unconsciously accept to some degree. It’s why one of the most common posts you’ll see on a mommy message board is a mother outlining the bullshit her husband has inflicted on her, then asking if she’s being “too hormonal.” But don’t worry, even if she doesn’t gaslight herself in this way, a bunch of other posters will come along to suggest that maybe the problem is postpartum depression, perimenopause, or “hormonal imbalance.” Because when women react with reasonable emotions proportionate to the issues they face, we’ve collectively decided they’re being irrational.
No wonder this is such an effective tool in arguments with men. If your husband wants to win the argument, escape accountability, and imply that you’re less intelligent than him, he’ll pull out this trump card and triumphantly slam it on the table.
This sounds like:
“Sounds like someone is PMSing!”
“Are you sure this isn’t just your postpartum depression talking?”
“I think pregnancy is making you hyper-emotional.”
“Are you getting your period?”
“Here we go again with the menopause hysteria.”
“Maybe the problem is just that you’re going through menopause.”
“Maybe you cry so much because you need your hormones checked.”
Scroll down to keep reading. This is part of a series of bonus content for paid subscribers in which I address some of the weapons men use to deflect blame and avoid accountability. Previous pieces in this series have included:
The weapons sexist men use in fights: “We just have different standards!”
The weapons sexist men use in fights: Blaming women for their reactions to bad behavior
The weapons men use in fights: “You’re never satisfied with anything!”
The arguments sexist men use in fights—and what they really mean
The most important tool men use to maintain household labor inequality
The weapons men use in fights: “You’re so controlling! Stop policing me!”