How sexist men weaponize the silent treatment: The Weapons Men Use series (paid subscriber bonus)
How sexist men weaponize the silent treatment: The Weapons Men Use series (paid subscriber bonus)
He's not "processing his feelings." He's weaponizing yours.
This is an update of a piece from my archives.
It follows the same general pattern, no matter who you are:
There’s a conflict. Usually because you bring up something you need him to change. He gets mad, and then eventually he withdraws. You might try to get him to talk a few times, but he’ll continue to insist he needs space—if he deigns to talk to you at all.
Or maybe he’ll pretend that everything is normal while steadfastly refusing to respond in anything more than monosyllabic grunts.
This may last for hours, and sometimes days. Eventually, you’ll finally beg him to talk. You might be the one to apologize. After some time, things will return to whatever normal is for you. But the original issue will never be resolved, because if you bring it up again, he’ll do it again.
The silent treatment.
It’s the favorite weapon of abusive, misogynistic, entitled men. They’ll do anything to defend it. If you seek professional help for the issue, you might be met with nothing but gaslighting about how he’s processing his feelings. And so, just as he intends, you’ll be left wondering if maybe you’re actually the problem.
This is part of a series of bonus content for paid subscribers in which I address some of the weapons men use to deflect blame and avoid accountability. Previous pieces in this series have included:
The weapons sexist men use in fights: “We just have different standards!”
The weapons sexist men use in fights: Blaming women for their reactions to bad behavior
The weapons men use in fights: “You’re never satisfied with anything!”
The arguments sexist men use in fights—and what they really mean
The most important tool men use to maintain household labor inequality
The weapons men use in fights: “You’re so controlling! Stop policing me!”