The things sexist men say--and what they actually mean
The socially acceptable ways men water down their sexism.
This is an updated version of an older post. I hope new readers love it for the firwst time, and that even if you’re seeing it again, you get something new out of it!
Last weekend, a MGTOW dude spent about six hours of his Saturday leaving long diatribes on every single blog post I’ve ever made outlining all the reasons he’s so happy without women and so glad he doesn’t have to interact with them. So what caused him to devote so much time to a woman (that would be me) who so clearly did not want to talk to him?
I wrote an article outlining some of the ways marriage harms women and advantages men.
You’d think a dude so rabidly opposed to relationships with women would be thrilled to find a woman encouraging women not to get married. But of course, MGTOW has never actually been about men going their own way. These dudes won’t separate from women because they’re dependent on them. They need, and want, women to do chores for them, to run their lives for them, to tell them how great they are. They just don’t think they should have to do anything to earn these favors. The fact that women are actual humans who have expectations is the real reason they’re so mad at women.
They need to convince women to get married, because they need women to lower their standards.
This is why these “happily single” guys spend so much time contacting women like me—and why “men going their own way” really just means “men finding their way into the inboxes of women they don’t even know, because even strangers evoke big emotions in low value men.”
Anyway, it got me thinking about all the ridiculous and false claims men make. Even in the most misogynist corners of the world, it’s generally no longer acceptable to assert outright that women are inferior to men, should become forever servants, and should give everything to men who give them absolutely nothing at all. So men have to come up with more palatable bullshit, that blames the victim and exonerates the perpetrator.
Be sure to add your own in the comments!
My wife’s a nag
I’m an overgrown baby who can’t do the basic tasks necessary to sustain my family. So my wife has to constantly remind me. If she stops nagging me and starts complaining about inequality, then I’ll tell her to make me a list, and that if she only asked me, I’d be happy to help!
Good luck alone with your cats/you’ll be single forever!
I can’t find someone who’s willing to have sex with me when marriage is no longer mandatory for women, so I’m hopeful that berating women for being single will convince them to be with me. Women are only willing to sleep with me if they lower their standards, so it’s important that I scare them into doing so.
I want to help with household labor. I just need a list/reminders!
I don’t value emotional labor, am not willing to do it, and am not willing to actually equitably split labor. As soon as you give me a list, I’ll call you a nag.
My ex was crazy
I don’t have a logical, rational, fact-based explanation for her behavior, because providing one would require me to disclose my own bad behavior. So instead, I’m going to pretend that she was just nuts rather than acknowledge that the way I treated her pushed her to the brink.
My ex was only interested in money
My ex wants me to pay child support to help support the children I made, and I don’t think I should have to. That’s because I care about money more than my children. And as the true gold digger of the relationship, I think I should be able to outsource parenting and all other labor to someone else, and not even bother to cover my children’s expenses.
My ex is keeping my child from me
I did something so terrible that even a biased family court that almost never removes men’s visitation rights removed mine. I likely hit my partner or my child, molested my child, or otherwise showed myself to be an unfit and dangerous parent. Alternatively, I might have just abandoned my child and decided to blame my ex.
My wife is withholding sex
I think I’m entitled to sex and that my wife is a sex object, but I’m not offering her sex worth having, or doing enough to make her become interested in sex with me. Rather than actually changing my behavior to make myself more desirable, I’ve decided to whine about her. In a patriarchal society that takes seriously the notion that women owe men sex, lots of people will take my side when they learn I’m not getting sex as much as I want.
Men get taken to the cleaners in divorce. Child support is so unfair!
I believe that men should not have to support the children they help to make, and that they should benefit from women’s work indefinitely without having to financially contribute.
Marriage is bad for men!
I’m mad that my wife divorced me, and have decided to spend my time convincing women to lower their standards, so that maybe I can marry a new sex-bot/servant.
It’s not all men!
It’s definitely me, because men who are actually good care about the exploitation of women, and don’t respond to feminist discourse with reminders that not all men are monsters. As my grandma always said, a hit dog hollers. And a misogynist man always gets mad when you talk about what he’s doing. Send them to the Not All Men hotline.
What about abuse of men?
That’s bad, too. But men who make this claim almost always seem to think that “abuse” (read: modestly unkind treatment) of men is an excuse for men to do whatever they damn well please to women. Please consult the Not Just Men Hotline for further guidance.
A high-value man like men deserves it all! (Or any talk at all about alphas, betas, and cucks)
You’re being a misandrist
I am so committed to the idea of masculinity as violent, lazy, and predatory that I see attacks on these behaviors as attacks on men.
Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse!
I hit women who say things I don’t like.
A woman who hits a man should expect to be hit back
I want an excuse to hit women.
It’s sexist to say men should never hit a woman
I like hitting women.
You sure sound angry!
Anger isn’t an emotion when men have it. When women have it, it’s a sign that we should ignore everything they say.
My wife lets her emotions get in the way of logic
I’ve decided to frame myself as the logical one, and my wife as the emotional, stupid one. No amount of evidence will change my perspective, because I am inherently illogical, and incapable of learning.
If you liked this post, you might also like my Weapons Sexist Men Use series, which takes an in-depth look at the ways men justify and dismiss household inequity, emotional abuse, and their partners’ needs.
This helps me so much. I’m divorcing my physically abusive husband and he has said these things about his ex, and will say them about me.
"I know you better than you know yourself"
That one was thrown out a lot--especially in the beginning. I started to believe it after awhile. What it really meant: you do whatever I say without question because *I* am the only one who knows what's best.