A comprehensive guide to feminist parenting, feminist relationships, and fighting anti-mother misogyny
A comprehensive guide to feminist parenting, feminist relationships, and fighting anti-mother misogyny
A syllabus of my most recent and useful work
This is a bonus piece for everyone. All subscribers occasionally get these bonus pieces.
I’ve written a lot about feminism. A ridiculous amount, some might say. Searching for content online is hard, and endlessly scrolling is annoying. So I decided to compile my most useful pieces onto a single page for easier searching.
This is a bonus newsletter that’s free to everyone, but everything I write requires a lot of research and thought. So if you like my work and have found it helpful, I really hope you’ll consider becoming a paid subscriber. Doing so also means you’ll be able to read every article in this guide!
How to use this guide
On most computers you can hold down ctrl and F at the same time to search for keywords. I recommend searching for the terms that interest you, or searching by subject. This guide is organized by subject as follows:
Guides to feminism for men
Stay-at-home motherhood
Holidays
Fair Play and other strategies for getting equality
Escaping violence
Feminist parenting
The weapons sexist men use
General activism
Green flags and building healthier romantic relationships
Building healthier non-romantic relationships
Quiet quitting
Incels, red pill, and manosphere
Why household labor inequity is abuse
Writing tips
Body image
Dating tips
Relationship myths
Therapy, coaching, and hiring professional help
Sexual violence and abuse
Surviving breakups and divorce
Recognizing and understanding abuse
Sex and sexuality
Should I stay or should I go?
Pregnancy and postpartum
Men’s weird behavior
Feminist hotlines
Feminist philosophy
Anger, feminism, and ‘man hatred’
Neurodivergence
Anti-mother misogyny
Surveys and studies
Feminist politics and communication, and relationships with other women
Grief, death, and dying
Feel free to tell me what you’d like for me to cover next, too! To submit a question for Feminist Advice Friday, please use this form.
Guides to feminism for men
My wife is leaving me. How can I change her mind?
My girlfriend broke up with me over my messy apartment.
You’re not a good dad if you don’t do these things
10 ways men can be less sexist
How can I approach women without scaring them?
What the men who contact me have shown me about sexism in marriage
Why ‘feminist’ men and ‘nice guys’ get so angry about my work
Men: Here’s what it means if your partner sends you my work
Are men allowed to make mistakes?
How can I be a good husband, not just a not-bad one?
The top complaints men have about my work—and why I don’t care about any of them
I’m not teaching men for free anymore—and neither should you
How can I be a better feminist ally?
What men need to know before emailing me
10 ways men can be less sexist
An open letter to all the men who want to ‘do better’
I’ve taken advantage of my wife. How do I change the inequality in our relationship?
Stay-at-home motherhood
Why men encourage their wives to stay at home, then complain about their wives staying home
Protecting yourself as a stay at home mom, and alternatives to stay at home motherhood
Please don’t become a stay at home mother
If my husband works long hours, do I have to do everything else?
How do we split domestic labor if I’m a stay-at-home mother?
Holidays
An open letter to disappointed mothers on Mother’s Day
Why do so many men ruin every holiday with a bad mood?
Why are so many men awful to their partners on Valentine’s Day?
Why the holidays are so depressing for women and mothers
How to make your wife not hate you on Mother’s Day: An open letter to men
Why is Mother’s Day an issue for so many men?
Gaslighting women at the holidays: “Your children don’t need everything to be perfect!’
Things we never say to men on Father’s Day
The useless advice we give exhausted mothers for surviving the holidays
My husband never gets me gifts
Dad privilege during the holidays
My husband doesn’t celebrate my birthdays
Fair Play and other strategies for getting equality
Why nothing works to bring about household equality
How do I know if my expectations are too high?
Why couples counseling won’t solve household inequality
Why the Fair Play book doesn’t fix labor inequality for most couples
Escaping violence
Is the biased family court system a reason to stay in an abusive marriage?
If you’re in an abusive relationship and need to leave, here’s what you need to know
Feminist parenting
My kid smells, and refuses all reasonable measures
Maybe he’s not actually a good dad
How do I get my kids to participate in household chores?
How do I respond to inappropriate comments about my daughters?
What gentle parenting experts get wrong, and how they inadvertently shame mothers
What is your advice for raising feminist sons?
10 ways we accidentally teach our daughters to accept bad treatment from men
Do you have any parenting advice for men?
What is your advice for a child who refuses to go to school?
I waited till marriage. How can I talk to my daughters about sex in a healthy way?
Resources for raising feminist children
Do you have advice for raising a neurodivergent child?
How can I raise a son who is not a sexist asshole?
The weapons sexist men use
‘But I’m an ally and a feminist!’
‘You’re never satisfied with anything!’
Weaponizing the language of social justice
‘We just have different parenting styles!’
‘Well my therapist thinks you’re the abusive one’
‘I’ll do that!’ And then he doesn’t
‘We just have different parenting styles!’
Ruining every vacation with a bad mood
‘Why are you being so emotional?’
Why weaponized incompetence is such a core feature of misogyny
What is going on with men weaponizing tiredness?
‘I just lost control! I didn’t really mean what I said.’
‘You’re just being hormonal! Are you getting your period?’
‘Well I guess I’m just an abusive asshole then!’
‘You’re never satisfied with anything!’
‘You’re so controlling! Stop policing me!’
‘But I don’t care about that task!’
‘Just give him a chance! Keep trying!’
The things sexist men say—and what they actually mean
‘We just have different standards!’
Chronic grumpiness: How men use bad moods to control their partners
‘Your standards are unreasonable, so you’ll never be happy’
The myth of the bumbling nice guy
General activism
I feel overwhelmed by the brokenness of the world
How do I deal with my anger about sexism?
A note on this page’s anti-oppression politics, and an update to page rules
How can I better support the cause of feminism?
The myth of the hysterical woman in a world of hyper-emotional and violent men
Green flags and building healthier romantic relationships
Is feminism the solution to all relationship problems?
Do women pick bad men, or are abusers just skilled liars?
Building healthier non-romantic relationships
How do I set boundaries with a friend in an abusive relationship?
I’m overwhelmed by my friend’s endless grief and complaining
How do I set better boundaries with my parents?
Quiet quitting
I’m quiet quitting. What about sex?
Building your exit plan: The ultimate guide to quiet quitting
Quiet quitting 101: how to emotionally detach from your abusive partner
Incels, red pill, and manosphere
Does the red pill guy get the girl?
Why do men so grossly overestimate their market value?
How manosphere and red pill ideologies doom men to loneliness and unhappy relationships
Understanding the dynamics of the manosphere
Why household labor inequity is abuse
In a healthy society, here’s what we’d ask about household labor inequity
Why household labor inequity is abuse
Stop blaming women for household labor inequality
Writing tips
How to write fearlessly in a world that silences strong women
How can I become a better writer?
What I’ve learned about Substack success after hitting 10,000 subscribers
Advice for making a career as a writer, and how I became a writer
Body image
My parents make fatphobic comments
How I talk about body image with my daughters
How do I help my appearance-obsessed preteen?
My ex insults my daughter’s appearance and slut-shames her
Dating tips
How can we feel safe in relationships with men?
Signs your ‘nice guy’ isn’t actually a nice guy
Do you have any advice for online dating?
How can I learn to like being single?
A pursuit dynamic in a relationship is a major predictor of abuse
What’s your advice for feminist hookups?
Should I give up on relationships with men?
How did you talk to your husband about household labor equality?
What does a good marriage look like?
Why a man’s ‘fear of commitment’ is one of the most dangerous long-term predictors of abuse
5 things women considering marriage need to know to protect themselves
Relationship myths
No, it’s not his ‘love language,’ and other harmful myths about men and sex
The utter bullshit of love languages
Women are better drivers than men. Here’s why that matters
Therapy, coaching, and hiring professional help
My therapist tells me to have more ‘feminine energy’
13 signs you should fire your couples counselor
Spirituality/self-help influencer red flags
How can I find a therapist for individual counseling?
The sexist relationship myths even ‘feminist’ coaches and experts believe
Male ‘feminist’ dating coaches are profiting off of misogyny
Questions to ask to screen a couples counselor
Why couples counseling so often makes things worse
Sexual violence and abuse
My husband was sexually predatory. Now he’s playing the victim.
Scheduled sex is coerced sex. Here’s why.
Why do men hump their partners?
Do heterosexual men actually want sex? Or do they just want to complain about it?
My husband says family is an exception to rules about consent
Surviving breakups and divorce
Why you still love your abuser—and what to do about it
How do I stop missing my abuser?
What is your advice for surviving a breakup?
He was bad to me. I’m heartbroken anyway. How do I move on?
Recognizing and understanding abuse
Does it matter if abuse was unintentional?
Signs your partner doesn’t actually love you
Why the threat of violence lurks in every unequal relationship
Fear: the missing piece in men’s understanding of sexism and women
You do not have the right to subject your child to abuse
Why isn’t my abusive husband sorry?
Can my husband still be abusive if he’s nice most of the time?
No, you’re not hormonal: How we teach women to gaslight themselves
Sex and sexuality
My husband is only interested in porn, not sex
Why doesn’t my wife want to have sex with me?
How can men ethically consume pornography?
The real reasons women lose interest in sex with men
My new husband went to a strip club
What heterosexual men need to know when their partners lose interest in sex
Can women really consent to sex in a patriarchal society?
The three biggest sexual mistakes men make with women—and how to fix them
If you’re a man whose partner doesn’t want enough sex, here’s what you need to know
Should I stay or should I go?
How long should I give my husband to change?
My partner plays video games while I cook. How do I tell him he’s a sexist?
My shitty spouse is finally interested in trying. Should I stay?
How many opportunities should I give my partner to change?
Should I end my relationship with an underachieving partner?
My husband is finally stepping up after I asked for a divorce. Am I the asshole?
How to tell if your abusive husband is really committed to change
Pregnancy and postpartum
What men can do to reduce their partner’s risk of postpartum depression
Now that I’m pregnant, my husband ignores me
Men, not hormones, are the leading cause of postpartum depression
My husband doesn’t want to parent our baby
How can I help my wife with postpartum depression?
Maybe it’s not postpartum depression. Maybe the problem is motherhood in a patriarchy.
Men’s weird behavior
My husband spends hours pooping
Is it reasonable to ask my husband to stop peeing on the floor?
My husband wants me to gentle parent him
What do we do about misogynists who think they’re feminists?
My husband wants me to make chores fun
My husband wants me to be a tradwife while working full time
My husband makes constant sexist comments about my body
Why are so many ‘straight’ men grossed out by women’s bodies?
Why do so many men seem to enjoy being disgusting?
Feminist hotlines
Hello! You’ve reached the ‘Feminism hurt my feelings’ hotline!
The Not Just Men Hotline is here to help you with your #notjustmen emergency
Feminist philosophy
We’re getting patriarchy wrong. Correcting this is critical to the feminist project.
Why do we shame mothers for complaining about the challenges of motherhood?
Can I be a nice person and still be a feminist?
Why are men so angry at their partners?
Why is everyone so obsessed with convincing women to get married?
What men really think about women
Anger, feminism, and ‘man hatred’
What do you say to people who call you a man-hater?
My husband says feminism is too aggressive
Neurodivergence
How do I tell my child he’s autistic?
Does neurodivergence mean I can’t expect my husband to do his fair share?
How can I advocate for my neurodivergent child at school?
Anti-mother misogyny
Feminism has a motherhood problem
Banning children from public spaces is inherently sexist
Why do we insist on pretending women don’t work?
Welcome to motherhood. Fuck you.
Understanding and responding to mom-shaming
Why do we treat mothers like they’re stupid?
Parenting as a mom vs. parenting as a dad
The real reason your husband constantly undermines your parenting
Parenting as a mom vs. parenting as a dad
Surveys and studies
What is marriage really like? The data on marriage and long-term relationships
Results of the parenting survey
Results of the experiences with divorce survey
Results of the state of sexuality survey
Results of the state of household inequality survey
Feminist politics and communication, and relationships with other women
Why do women blame other women for abuse?
The key ingredients for building meaningful feminist community
Grief, death, and dying
How can I talk to my child about death? And should I?
What can I say to a grieving person?
On allowing grief to break you, then turn you into something better
Thank you!
Thank you so much Zawn, this is an Amazing resource!